Little life moments with my children this week left me thinking...
It was nothing out of the ordinary mind you, but I came away tonight with the realization that I am truly at my best self, my truest self, when I'm with them. I laugh freely, hug & kiss often - and am witty without even trying. I'm honest, transparent even, no matter how difficult the question. I'm strong, yet tender when they need to see that too. They know I weep openly while watching movies in public. I over-think all my parenting prior & after the fact of being with them, but in the moment I thoughtfully speak and am focused, present and somehow seem to have the answers right on queue. I play and sing out loud, and car dance at stop lights. I am more than a little spunky.
I'm completely myself, relaxed & at ease.
Crazy to think I almost forewent having children at all, keeping my focus on career - and more than a little afraid that I'd repeat all of my mother's mistakes. Funny thing was, I actually learned from her, and there weren't just mistakes to glean tidbits from, but some maternal wisdom embedded into my psyche as well that would guide me through my own journey of motherhood. And of course there were these two new people in the world that although were reliant on me for much, were not about to let me move forward in life without teaching me some pretty profound lessons of their own (even though I wasn't aware I needed the lessons in the first place!). I can only hope I'm growing and evolving enough as a person to share and trust this truest self with more of the adults that surround me in my day to day - she's the best me, so why would I hold any of her back? Hmmm - yet another obvious 'aha' I think my children knew already. Thank God for the journey of motherhood, and that I was so truly blessed to be able to experience one of its many incarnations. I wouldn't have been even a fraction of the person I am today without it.
* image via [ modern hepburn ]